An Ode to Pilot Wife Moms

Some #thepilotwifelife days are just like that.
Yeah, I have them too.
You know, where nothing seems to go right,
No matter what you do?

There’s red marker on his pilot shirt;
The dishes are stacked ceiling high;
Stepping on Legos really hurts!
“Don’t lasso the dog with daddy’s tie!”

She unintentionally broke grandma’s antique plate;
I unfortunately lost my cool.
“Get in the car we’re gonna be late!”
Who left the water running all night in the pool?

Blew my diet on chocolate (yes, an entire box!)
Ransacked the pantry for some more.
Have a hole in every single sock.
The dog puked [again] on the carpeted floor!

Forgot the wet laundry in the wash (again);
Burned the oldest kid’s grilled cheese.
Fight breaks out while I’m on the phone with the repairman.
Will someone pick up that Lego please!!

Our pilot called—plane’s delayed.
‘Sorry hon, I won’t be home.’
Tried not to cry (in front of them).
Looks like I’m doing yet another day on my own.

Still haven’t had a shower yet.
Five o’clock and dinner’s nigh.
No one fed the family pet (all week?)?
Managed to make every single kid cry.

Baseball game in an hour ten.
Their homework’s still not done.
I guess its Easy Mac for din.
Some days pilot wife mom life isn’t very fun!

The box exploded, sake’s alive!
Elbow noodles scattered on the floor.
Why can’t my man work 9 to 5?
My sanity can’t take very much more!!

Can’t believe we’re at Taco Bell again,
For the third (okay fourth) time this week.
This is seriously not what I had envisioned
When they said, “The pitter patter of little feet.”

Lost the game; lost his bat.
Someone starts to cough and sneeze.
There was bubble gum where I sat.
There goes my favorite jeans.

Between his flights, quick call from dad.
He sounds so stinking calm!
“Good night my loves. I miss you both.”
Now you be good for mom.

“Shower time (for them, not me).
Flooded bathroom floor.
Stories, hugs, and kisses.
Someone is coughing a whole lot more.

Finally! Time to tuck them in!
This day is done at last!!
But as soon as silence fills the house…
I miss their hugs, their smiles, their laughs.

Precious lambs, sound asleep.
In spite of myself, I grin.
As crazy as I know it sounds
I can’t wait to do it all again!

I love my kids and I love this life—
even when the chaos hits the fan.
I’m so proud to be a pilot’s wife.
I love my pilot fam!

To all of my pilot wife moms out there,
keep doing what you do!
This thing called pilot wife motherhood is not easy,
but is absolutely worth it! I promise, it’s true!

I love you, aviation family.

Tailwinds.

Angelia (a fellow pilot wife mom)

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**photo courtesy Dreamstime

Unapologetically

Hey lady, you suck at being a wife and mom. Yeah, you.

You are a terrible mom. Your husband is probably having an affair. You should be ashamed of yourself as a human being. CPS should take your kids from you. Your husband should divorce you. You don’t deserve kids. You are a loser, a worthless piece of….

Except you are not; and I am not.

Not even remotely.

You see . . .

Every single one of the above comments have been personally directed toward me by complete strangers during my stint as a blogger. This was primarily on another site I author, and thankfully none of these particular comments were pilot wives. But man, you have to have some titanium skin to maintain an internet presence.

Those comments weren’t from pilot wives… But some have been. I received a message recently strongly admonishing me for suggesting that, as pilot wives, we should love and encourage our husbands. In short, she basically demanded that I apologize for loving a pilot.

But I won’t. Not today; not ever.

I love my pilot. Fiercely. Unapologetically. 

Look, it’s okay. I’m not mad, or hurt, or shocked, or even a teeny-tiny, itty-bitty, eensy-weensy bit upset.

Because with positivity, inevitably comes negativity. When you choose to trek knee-high into the muck of people’s brokenness, you will have to deal with their pain, hatred, misconceptions. You better wear armor. Brokenness begs for more brokenness because it does not want to wallow in the pit alone, so it seeks out positivity and tries to smother it in its suffocating folds—to destroy it.

But I am wholly convinced that love wins.

Unfortunately, bullying has become rampant in all aspects of life. There are some misinformed, hateful folks out in this self-entitled world that have the ridiculous notion that a flashbulb glance at a singular moment in a person’s life gives them the self-inflicted authority to judge, criticize, and stereotype the entirety of a person’s beliefs, values, and worth—that somehow 943 words of a blog or five minutes in a Wal-Mart aisle affords them an inalienable right to reign down harsh judgmentalism on a complete stranger.

But it doesn’t.

Don’t judge her entire life’s journey by the one leg of the flight that you happened to spend on her plane.

judge.jpg

Until you have flown a thousand miles in her shoes…

Until your wings and heart are dangerously iced over by the difficult journey through the winter storms she has endured…

Until every muscle in your body aches from the strain of trying to survive the life turbulence she has faced…

Until you have faced lonely holidays, car wrecks, birthdays, a loved one’s death, accomplishments, sickness, ER visits (and on and on) with your spouse 2000 miles away…

Don’t judge her; just love her.

Anonymity is a dangerous weapon. Oh, the things we can say and pain we can inflict from behind the safe little haven of our faux Gravatar as ‘flygirl’ or ‘anonymous.’

It is incredibly easy and safe to pour out brutal criticism on a momma in IAH from a comfy chair in Seattle without knowing all the facts.

It is incredibly easy to label a pilot wife in MDW as worthless when you have never met her and heard her cry tears of loneliness.

It is incredibly easy to lay down judgement upon an aviation marriage in EWR without understanding the difficulties of this lifestyle.

But do you know what? It’s just self-righteous folks being ugly for the sake of being ugly. You need to send negative people flying out of your life faster than an eject button on an F15.

You. Don’t. Need. It.

I’ve heard your stories, and I love you. I have seen you soar and stall, and I still believe in you. I have lived this life, and I know. 

The pilot wife life is hard enough without the naysayers. Don’t submerge yourself in their cesspool of stagnant negativity. Instead immerse yourself in a refreshing river of positivity.

Aviation friends, let me tell you a little something, something.

You don’t suck at being a mom. Or a pilot wife. Or an ANYthing. 

Are you going to make mistakes now and then? Of course! We all do. Yep, even me!

I know, right!? 

Anyone that tells you differently is either lying or has never navigated the jet streams of marriage and parenting. Let that perfect somebody throw that first stone. Seriously. Go ahead

The truth is this . . .

If you feed your kid only homegrown organic or if you feed your kid Taco Bell seven times in a friggin’ row because your pilot is gone and you are losing your ever-loving mind; if you go on date nights with your spouse regularly or if you can’t remember the last time you had a date; if your kid has a tantrum in Wal-Mart now and again or if your kid sits quietly at Wal-Mart every single time you shop (yeah, right); if you are married to a commercial pilot who is gone four days at a time or if you are married to a military pilot who is gone four months at a time, if you have never raised your voice to your child or if you have raised your voice to your child so many times [today] that you have lost count, if you have zero kids or if you have nine kids, if your house is Martha Stewart immaculate or Rosanne Barr chaos, if you are a working pilot wife or if you are a stay-at-home pilot wife…

It matters not.

If you love your family with all your heart, if your children are safe and cared for (yes, Easy Mac counts), if you make the decisions that are best suited to your family and your circumstances, you are a good mom and a good pilot wife.

Period.

You listen here, aviation friends! You keep making decisions that are right for your family. You keep on fighting the good fight. You keep surviving the best you know how. You keep loving your pilot fiercely.

Unapologetically. 

Soar confidently and unswayed upon the wings of your beliefs and decision, my dear friends. Do not be dismayed. Do not be moved by anonymous fools. Do not bend to the will of group conformity.

And do not apologize for loving your pilot. Ever.

EVER! Do you hear me?

Let me clarify. Everyone is entitled to an opinion. We all have different experiences, different situations, and different personalities which influence the direction from which we view a topic. That is not only okay, it is absolutely necessary. Respectful disagreement and discussion are the beautiful tools by which we learn and grow.

But those people—the naysayers, judges, and haters? Those who slander, slash, name throw, and stereotype randomly with wide open mouths and wide shut ears? Their words are nothing more than a bitter reflection of bitter hearts, and any shard of truth or useful advice that may have potentially existed is inevitably obscured and obliterated by hatred.

Sometimes in life, you just have to let folks roll off of you like rainwater on Turtle Wax. You cannot make them happy, so don’t dally with fools.


Pilot wives, those people are always going to exist in this world. From the eye roller in the grocery checkout line to the internet troller who just plain hates life as a pilot wife and wants you to join her in abject misery—they are nothing more than an unpleasant altitude drop on the flight of life.

Hit. The. Eject. Button. Now.

They will always hide behind the safety of anonymity and criticize you, this lifestyle, your choices, your husband from a safe distance. They are always going to claim the self-imposed right to judge you without flying a single skymile in your exhausted, busy, chaotic, overwhelmed pilot wife shoes. They are always going to have a poorly founded and loudly stated opinion about everything you do…or don’t do.

But frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

And neither should you.

Now GO! Live your beautiful, crazy, amazing, chaotic aviation lives unapologetically.

love you, aviation family.

Tailwinds!

Angelia (a fellow pilot wife)

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Marriage Revolution Resolutions

The old has past and the new has come.

On the eve of the dawn of a new year there lingers such wonder and possibility. It feels like, if even for a moment, anything is possible. For a frozen second in time, the stars will align and all of our wildest dreams and hopes will magically manifest as reality.

Financial security, a healthy body, obedient children, and a happy marriage are only a tick of the clock from our ever-reaching grasp.

We want our marriages to be better. We want to argue less. We want to love each other more. We want to find happiness and contentment with our partners.

So we hold our breath in eager anticipation. At the stroke of midnight, like a mystical fairy tale where happiness always prevails, our lips will meet those of our one true love and there will be fantastical, breathtaking fireworks that light up our lives with wonderment and happy ever after.

In that mystical moment when time waltzes into a new identity, we make resolutions and promises. We dare to hope. We dare to believe.

But just as the early morning mists are slowly driven away by the harsh rays of the rising sun, so do our resolutions slowly dissipate with the coming of the new days and new trials.

An estimated 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail, the majority within the first 30 to 90 day. Why? Because we dream of the big change, but real change comes in small, sometimes barely perceptible increments. We want the end result not the journey. We set our eyes on the final prize but never train ourselves for the race.

But there is hope for marital change! A new year can bring a revolution to your marriage. You just have to do it the right way and be patient.

Here are eight steps to marriage revolution resolutions for the new year:

  1. Baby steps: Instead of taking giant leaps and making end-game resolutions and expecting massive, instantaneous changes that are destined to frustrate us to the point of failure, we must take baby steps—setting attainable short-term goals for our pilot marriages. Change will come. Be steady, be patient.
  2. Reactive not forced: Do not set goals for your partner’s behavioral changes but instead set goals for your own behavioral modification! You cannot forcibly change someone else’s behavior. Trying to do so will initiate great frustration for you and your partner. Instead focus on things you can do personally that will in turn initiate reactive change—a change in behavior in response to a change in yours.
  3. Keep it simple: You should only set 1-3 attainable behavioral changes. Do not overwhelm yourself with so many things you cannot do them all (or something so vague and big that it is inconceivable). When those are met, make some more!
  4. Talk about it: Ask your spouse for a list of one to three things that you could do to make him or her happier in your marriage. However, if he/she does not ask for a list in return, do not provide one! And if they do not provide one for you, don’t let it sway you. Think up your own and carry on! Remember not to take his or her answers personally. Frank questions demand frank answers. If a face-to-face is too emotionally volatile then ask him/her to write it down.
  5. Write it down, post it, share it: No, I don’t mean on Facebook! Write down your marriage revolution resolutions in a card with a favorite picture of you together and give it to your spouse (the next time you see him or her!). Make a second copy (with picture) and post it in a place where you will see it and be reminded at the start of each day. This will make the goals more real and keep you focused. This will be an encouragement to your spouse and a reminder for you not only of your goals, but of why you are pursuing them!
  6. Dust yourself off: You are going to fail. Own it, get over it. When you do, get back up dust yourself off, offer apologies to yourself and your spouse where necessary, and keep going! A happy, stable marriage will be so worth it.
  7. Journal it: Keeping a journal of your marriage revolution resolutions, how the day went, what you did well, what you didn’t, and any changes in your marriage will help you see the changes that slowly over the year and give you motivation to keep going.
  8. Check in: Ask your partner how you are doing every 30 days. Ask him or her if there is anything new you can attempt that would continue to strengthen your marriage. After all, marriage revolution resolutions don’t just have to happen in January!

A few marriage revolution resolution ideas to get you started:

  • I will do something nice for my spouse every day.
  • I will speak only encouraging, uplifting words to and about my spouse.
  • I will post only positive things about my spouse on social media.
  • I will have sex with my spouse ___ times a week.
  • I will tell my spouse how proud I am of him/her every day.
  • I will text my spouse good morning and good night every day when we are apart.
  • I will go on a date with my spouse at least every ___ weeks.
  • I will tell my spouse something I love about them every day.
  • I will respect my spouse in public.
  • I will not say negative things about or argue with my spouse in front of my children.
  • I will pray for my spouse daily.
  • I will put down my phone when we are together and pay attention to my spouse.
  • I will not allow toxic outside sources to taint my marriage or view of my spouse.
  • I will communicate my feelings to my spouse instead of holding them in.

Change is neither quick or easy, but it is possible and it is worth it! If there is one wish I had for the New Year, I would wish that each and every one of you find and revel in the pure joy of a happy marriage.

I love you, aviation family. May your 2017 and your marriages be full of amazing blessings and overflowing with joy.

~A Fellow Pilot Wife

[Not] Home for the Holidays 

Every year it’s the same. Pilot families all around the world hold their collective breaths waiting for that moment that makes or breaks us. It’s the moment when we find out if he, our beloved pilot, will be home with his own family for Christmas…or making sure other people get to be with theirs.

The release of the December schedule.

It’s a delicate emotional precipice–a moment that either leaves us giddy with joy or broken-hearted. If the scheduling gods shine down upon our lives with favor we are granted a glorious season of togetherness, family, and our pilots home for Christmas! 

But more often than not…

When hoards of other human beings are desperate to get home to their own families for the holidays, it means the majority of our pilots will be [not] home with theirs.

It means on Christmas morning he will be completely alone in some faraway hotel room and you will be stuck at home trying to put on a ‘Christmas spirit face’ for the kids’ sake while inside you feel like curling up in bed with a warm blanket and crying your eyes out.

That, ladies, is the pilot wife life.

There’s no denying it bites. Big time. I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you this life is all silvery snowflakes and shiny bows when sometimes it’s more like charred cookies and cocoa stains on your favorite shirt.

I’m not here to tell you to pretend that his being [not] home for the holidays is easy or fun. It’s not. I’m here to ask the essential questions. How do we survive it? How do we find some semblance of normalcy in the chaos, if not for us then for our children?

How do we find moments of laughter in the loneliness and positive perspective in the negative?

1.  Celebrate as a family. If Santa has ever had to make a special early trip to your house so ‘Daddy can celebrate with you,’ you might be an aviation family. It is more important for your family that you celebrate together than it is to celebrate on the actual date. Choose a day when daddy is home and have Santa make a special trip just for your family! He won’t mind, after all he’s a pilot too!

2. Don’t project blame. The aviation life has many nuances, and spending holidays apart is a big one. We must be careful that we do not inadvertently misplace our frustrations about the job upon our spouse. You want him home, sure. And he wants to be home celebrating with you too! Don’t let your frustrations with the job affect your attitude toward the person. Love him fiercely and remember he misses you as much as you miss him.

3. Spend time with family and community. Even though you celebrated the holiday on a day when you were together, there is still something depressing about being apart on the actual day. Spending the day with family or perhaps gathering with a group of other pilot wives will give you something to do other than wallowing in self-pity.

4. Volunteer. There are innumerable organizations serving the community or less fortunate that are in desperate need of extra hands during the holidays. Feeding the homeless, serving at an orphanage, walking shelter dogs, or visiting the elderly is a beautiful way to spend the holiday. It is nearly impossible to feel sorry for yourself while serving the needs of others. You are also teaching your children an invaluable lesson about compassion and positivity.

5. Stay positive even when it’s hard. There’s no doubt that it’s difficult or less than ideal to be apart from your pilot during the holidays. However, remember that it’s also hard for your children and your pilot too. Intentionally choosing to focus on the positive and speak words of encouragement and joy instead of bitterness and complaining can make the situation a little easier for everyone. Even though you’re not face-to-face, you can still remain heart-to-heart.

I hope that your pilot is home for the holidays. If he is, I celebrate your joy with you!

If he’s not, I pray that you keep your head up and remember that you are not alone. Your aviation family is right here with you. Though it’s not easy, I pray you find the moments of love, laughter, and light and hold onto them with all your might.

You are beautiful, aviation sisters. Stay strong.

Merry Christmas and happy Hanukah!

~A Fellow Pilot Wife

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